i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You made out with two different species that night
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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