yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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