I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
