Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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