3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
