Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My vagina just recognized that song.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
