Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
