You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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