In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
