i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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