How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
