If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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