oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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