i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
