my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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