yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
