I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
