Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
