is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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