dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
