Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
