Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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