Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize