her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
