just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
