Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
