If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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