you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
