Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
