I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i love accidental penises.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
