Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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