lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
