The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize