i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
third nipple confirmed
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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