why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize