for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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