You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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