Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
