I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize