My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We left the knife in your bed.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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