Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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