i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
