Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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