saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
