I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Randomize
