So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
