My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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