wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
