you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
