So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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