She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize