I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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