Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
