I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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