My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
