your room smells of hookers.
And success
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
