3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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