I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
