one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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