Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
