yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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