hell yes lets make some ravioli
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
