Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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