her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
