i just wanna soil my oats bro
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
