woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
