My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize