I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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