Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
