Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
