i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize