Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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