I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
