I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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