Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
