I CAN MOONWALK!
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I wish life had little blips of pornography
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
