There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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