Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
