i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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