i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
