The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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