Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
