Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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