you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
