just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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