That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
