This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
