I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
