I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
