Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
time to smoke my breakfast
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
