We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
