Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
