can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
