I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
